Issue 9: Spring/Summer 2021
Children and Young People, Daily living costs, Support for Freemasons and families
“Take your time – it’ll be okay in the end”
More than 1.1 million – or nine per cent – of children in England and Wales are part of a step family. Every family will have their own way of describing their situation – ‘step’, ‘blended’, ‘bonus’ or ‘extended’ – but fundamentally, each has been formed as a result of love and commitment.
“I’d been in a difficult relationship with my children’s father, which ended when my youngest was two years old. It was hard being a single mother to three children – financially and emotionally. All of my children were dealing with their own trauma from their father walking out.” – Christa, mother to Bronwyn, Emrys and Carys.
Navigating life as a new step family can be rewarding, but not always plain sailing. Whether you’re a parent or child, working out how you fit within this new dynamic, trying to adapt to other people’s ways of living, or even worrying about whether you will like this new family can be difficult.
It took a while for me to introduce Adam, my new partner, to my children as I needed to be sure about the relationship first. Eventually, Adam was slowly introduced and initially would just visit as a ‘friend’.
“The youngest, Carys, was absolutely fine with me as she didn’t really know any different; the middle, Emrys, had some behavioural troubles because of his experiences with his biological dad, and Bronwyn has Asperger’s Syndrome, so it was important for me to approach and build a bond with each child as an individual.” – Adam, Freemason, husband to Christa and step-father to Bronwyn, Emrys and Carys
Like with any challenge, the rewards of becoming part of a blended family can be great. Having an extra person to protect the wellbeing of the family can improve a child’s quality of life, whilst a new brother or sister allows a child to create a special sibling bond to last a lifetime.
Both parents and children can also learn valuable life skills: tolerance, patience and a broader perspective on life are all important lessons from which blended families can benefit.
“I built a relationship with Carys through food; we’d go get a milkshake together and just have fun. With Emrys, I played video games with him because that’s what he was interested in, and with Bronwyn, we’d just go for a walk and talk when she wanted or walk quietly when she didn’t.
I took on a lot of the housework and cooking as that was a role that needed filling. Over time, Christa and I became united as a set of parents – it wasn’t her trying to do it alone anymore.”
For some, joining households can also provide better financial stability. Another income often means being able to split the bills as well as enjoying a few of life’s luxuries such as meals out, holidays and day trips.
However, if life takes an unexpected turn for the worse, some blended families can still find themselves struggling to make ends meet.
“About a year after meeting Christa and the children, I was diagnosed with a very aggressive and rare form of cancer. Overnight, I went from having a well-paid and successful career to having to give up work altogether. I’d still stay in my own flat a lot of the time as I didn’t want the children to see how ill I was.
I received treatment, but developed a vomiting syndrome as a result of my cancer – so even though I eventually received the all-clear, I still couldn’t work because I was constantly being sick. This went on for years.”
Thankfully for Freemasons and their families – whether blended or blood – we are here to support them through a difficult time in their lives. Our support for children and young people extends to step-children and step-grandchildren as we recognise that families can take many different shapes and forms.
“The support from the MCF has meant the children are able to have a normal childhood. They can go on school trips with their friends, and we can buy them Scout and school uniforms that actually fit.
“Before the support, they would each receive one £5 gift at Christmas – now we can get them all a few presents, and take them out for a milkshake after school. We can even throw them birthday parties and invite their friends because we can afford the food!”
From computer equipment to educational assessments, apprenticeships to childcare, our support can fund or part-fund a variety of different needs to support the children and grandchildren of Freemasons in achieving their potential and maximising their talents.
“The children now call me Adam or dad, depending on the situation. I love all three of them and I’m so proud of the young people they’re becoming.”
Without the support of the MCF, I don’t know where we’d be. We are both so, so grateful – we cannot thank the MCF enough.
Is your family going through a difficult time?
Get in touch with us today to explore ways in which we can support you:
0800 035 60 90
help@mcf.org.uk
